We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
