Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
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I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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