I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Oh god it's open bar.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
