Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
