@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
