And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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