1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
