I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
