Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
