Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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