I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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