What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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