just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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