am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
