somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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