my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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