I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
