you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
