My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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