Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
