I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
