I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.