GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
