I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
