maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So squirting runs in the family.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
