I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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