the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
