I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
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Do I have a choice?
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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