# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
