You really coming over, don't trick.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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