Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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