so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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