i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
