i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
