u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
