I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
