i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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