i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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