That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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