Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
