i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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