I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
