Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
