Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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