um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
