My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Is it because I queefed?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
