shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
