it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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