i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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