everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
