so that wasnt chicken after all
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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