Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just invented taco cereal.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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