Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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