I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
