dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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