he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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