He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
