Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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