I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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