we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
