every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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