wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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