It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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