It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
